"Every year, MIG fan around the world wants to know which players are the best that the MIGFFL has to offer. As a former player and general manager myself who has seen a ton of Johnnie Mortons come and go, I should know. These guys you're about to meet are no Johnnie Mortons.

"On the left, you will see the players that are truly the best of the best at their position. You know this because they have the most points. I'm no math whiz like the Frinkiac over here, but I know that more is more than less. And that's just football. Of course, it should be noted that you can't score while sitting on the bench. None of these guys got points for being a benchwarmer, so these award winners earned their prize by getting out in the dirt with all the other men and rolling around until they scored. Boom!

"I don't understand the right-most column so I'll leave that to Frinky."

"Ahem, yes, the player data we've contabulated on the right using advanced statistical measures of the most standard of deviations known to man shows those individuals that - unlike that confounded monkey, with the biting, and the scratching, and the DEAR GOD he's GOTTEN INTO THE mainframe! - Where was I, oh yes, the data you see on the right shows the individual players that showed up consistently in the scoring columns week after week. We systematically excluded players that had started in under 60% of the season's games and also those averaging less than 50% of the best player's points per game. Good glayvin, this took a lot of work."

"Let's be real folks, this game ain't about the Johnnies and Joes, it's about their exes and hoes. Heh heh heh, just kidding, folks. Matty had to make a little joke there. It's a team game! While the swarthy men do the pounding on the field, the general managers and team owners beat 'em all off in the board room. Double boom!

"In the MIGFFL, we have two phases. First, you draft your team. That's where the foundation is set for the season to come. Then you have the cleanup phase, where you replace the duds with new hot studs through waivers. That's what I like. Frinky?"

"Using the Frinkiac 3000, an amazing device despite its clear lack of flubber, I have been able to determine the exact number of MIG points that a team has derived from its drafted players. Applying the subtraction matrix, we also can accurately determine the number of MIG team points that came from free agent and waiver claims.

"Below you will see two tables. The one on the left ranks the teams based on drafted points they have amassed, while the one on the right shows the points gained from transactions made in-season. Oh for glayvin out loud, that monkey is picking tranSIStors off the motherboard and EATING THEM! Stay calm, Frinky. Ahem, please excuse me while I apply the monkey-deterrent spray which has a core ingredient of... LOVE?!? Who has been screwing with this thing? Darn you, Mr. Professional Football Mayvin!"